Whether you enjoy flexing your creator muscles or take pleasure in sheer destruction, this zombie doll is for everyone.

It’s cute, it’s gangly, and it’s a tiny zombie you can take your anger out on. There’s no better way to practice your zombie-exterminating skills safely.

You can pick one up for a mere $12.99 at ThinkGeek.

Some things that you can take from it:

1. Be prepared – own a gun or rifle, at least a semi-automatic.
2. If caught without a weapon, be prepared to improvise.
3. Kill any family member that is bitten.
4. Don’t trust them damn commies.

The accusations made in this video as to the origins of the zombie virus are highly controversial. Made during the time of the Cold War, one can quickly understand the historical context of this video and its implications. The Zombie Menace, as the problem is referred to, sounds an awful lot like a certain communist threat.

But in any case, remember that all good Americans die for their country, just like the Hendersons in this video.  Spread the message.

Today there are so many movies, books and even *cough* websites dedicated to the oncoming zombie apocalypse and how to survive. All these overlook a certain reaction one could take when faced with one of these human brain eating and slow walking mutations… say fuck it and go with the flow.

As much as movies depict realistic and probable situations, the chances of surviving the zombie evolution as a human are nil. The zombie virus is more contagious than swine flu and twice as awesome.

I don’t know about you, but joining the ranks of the undead seems pretty sweet to me. You stumble around all day, chowing down on delicious braaaaaaaaains. Being a zombie would totally have major perks, like not worrying about dying. Standing around moaning and grunting all day would save so much wasted effort on syllables and enunciation, energy which could be put towards precious eating.

I mean, what are you leaving behind really? It was probably only a matter of months before your boss found you hanging from your cubicle because you found out that the words synergy, corporate social responsibility and 401K don’t really mean anything. Or the cats you’ve been collecting, in lieu of real human contact, realize that your internal organs are much tastier than the stale sour cream you’ve been feeding them.

There is no IF the zombie evolution will take place, it is just a matter of when. So in the words of that 12th grade boy who took your virginity in the back of a ’93 Toyota Corolla: Just let it happen.

Marney Beliveau
Zombie in training

from Frick We Love Cats.

Image courtesy of thieverr.

Image courtesy of BlueCirclet.com

These Japanese children were lucky there was only one though. Had their been even 2 more zombies their tactics would have failed and they surely would have turned into nourishment.

But if they are fortunate enough to live a few more years, their zombie fighting skills will be unparalleled. I’ll be following these kids’ zombie killing careers closely.

So in an effort to avoid emulating the pope and Catholic church, we won’t say abstinence is the only way. Instead we are telling you to never engage in zombie sex and love BUT if you must, then proceed with these warnings and tips in mind. Think of them as your condom.

Here are ten tips in total, split up into zombie love and zombie sex. Have fun.

5 Zombie Love Tips:

1. Emotional intimacy is difficult, understandably. Trick your mind into thinking your zombie partner’s gurgles and moans are in fact terms of endearment and vows of everlasting love. Your relationship is already in denial so just go with the flow.

2. Muzzle your zombie lover.

3. Keep them chained up at all times and locked in a kennel at night or when you are out.

4. Not all zombies are the same. Just because your friend’s zombie girlfriend is docile at dusk doesn’t mean yours will be too.

5. They are reanimated corpses. Feel free to use and abuse.

5 Zombie Sex Tips:

1. Disinfect all areas of contact after coitus.

2. Knock out all their teeth. You know why.

3. Seriously. Use a condom. You don’t want dead flakes of flesh and skin rotting in your private areas.

4. While erotic nibbling and biting is tempting, don’t do it. Infection can spread if there is a cut in your mouth.

5. Don’t have sex with a zombie.

Well, now you will.  If you follow us on Twitter that is.

You can track down our whereabouts at
http://twitter.com/ureunderattack

It’s a dangerous life and we gotta keep moving.  First the zombies, then the governments and their corresponding agencies, and now the underground syndicates.

Join us on our adventures around the world as we bludgeon zombie after zombie and reveal truth after truth!

…yes, they’re cute, cuddly, and they’re trying to eat your flesh.

It’s unfortunate when an infant or small child becomes a dead zombie baby but they’re also easier to kill.  There’s a silver lining on every cloud.

If you suspect someone of having a zombie baby, I suggest you act quickly before the infection spreads.  Parents are often weak in such situations and have trouble coming to terms with terminating their offspring.  This is where you come in.

The choice is up to you whether you want to confront the parents or not.  In my opinion, it’s best to avoid confrontation.  Parents can quickly become hostile and irrational and your life will be in danger.

It’s best to get rid of the zombie baby in secret.  Should you decide to alert the parents of what you are about to do, bring a friend, and be prepared for the worst.  Often the parents will be more dangerous than the zombie baby itself.

When exterminating the zombie baby, pay close attention to it’s height.  While its short stature may prove to be your advantage, do not forget that you will need to protect your knees and lower extremities.  This is often forgotten by veteran zombie fighters as zombie babies are not as common.

Because of the height of the baby zombie, I recommend a weapon that swings straight for the head without you having to bend over.  This saves a lot of strain on your back, shoulders and neck.  A cricket bat would do nicely.

Here are some tips to note:

• While they are babies or infants, they are stronger than your average baby due to the infection.
• Their drool is fatal if it mixes with an open wound.  And we all know how babies like to drool.
• If they haven’t started teething yet, you’re in luck but even the slightest cut from a baby tooth is enough to kill you.

Using my expert skills of investigation, I managed to track down the source of the photograph.  Well, as close as I could.  The man who took this photo had long since died but according to his son, the photo was taken during the Rif War in 1920 in Morocco.  War was on everyone’s mind.  It was the perfect time for human trafficking.  According to the photographer’s son, his father needed an extra dime and after a long journey through the Rif mountains he landed in the small town of Tetouan.

Something happened in Tetouan.  The son couldn’t tell me; he had no idea.  But his father ended up with these 3 zombie child brides.  He got rid of the child brides and pocketed a decent profit. Rumour has it that either the Spanish were doing  some experiments or that General Franco had a weird fetish.